The Spectacularly Average Christmas Special: Playstation Classic Unboxing

I’m playing games in this one for a change, which is why I’ve linked it here on Pagemaster General despite it being Spectacularly Average.

I should explain how the ever-increasing-overdue Halloween article is doing, usually when my heavy Halloween content is approaching more than ten thousand words you can tell it’s ballooned that much due to a variety of factors – sometimes the material demands it and sometimes my brain is fried from trying to release it on time in October. 2018 sucked, hard, and Halloween was so demoralising because this accursed year gave me more dead to honour than usual… if the news I’ve received about other relatives is an indicator I could be staring down the barrel of yet another family member to grieve soon. Maybe not today or even six months from now… but probably within the next three years because I can feel it in my gut. The Existential Dread Of Aussie Theme Parks hit a snag after I caught the flu and got my leg scalded in the clumsy process of trying to treat said flu, I will not bore you with the details, but it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Luna Park’s creepy grin looms large over this entire project… and in 2018 I was in no mental or physical shape to properly perform my exorcism ritual to banish Abe Saffron’s ghost from the Big Top. I was loaded on serious antibiotics and codeine which have somehow by-passed all the stubborn parts of the male ego that prevented me apologising for things I did or said back in 2012, it’s fantastic for my spiritual growth but it’s a bit like the alarming social trend where bloggers discuss the long-winded and tragic saga behind a Thanksgiving recipe that veers into September 11th, 2001 aftermath territory when all we wanted was our damn turkey recipe we had to scroll down through an essay’s worth of superfluous angst to read. At first, A Reflection On The Shape Of Halloween To Come is a direct sequel to the first Halloween deep-dive I published here and it definitely fell into the genre of unwanted preludes to aforementioned promised content, however I’ve made urgent changes which front-loaded those Halloween decoration photos to the start of the piece where people can access those easier. Below a huge-lettering-font trigger warning is a no-mans-land that the tangent police cannot enforce law and order, I’d provided context for a lot of esoteric occultist lore regarding Luna Park which needs to be quarantined to this zone so it doesn’t infect the actual theme park ride reviews of the site’s attractions. I found out a lot of tea from an unpublished manuscript which was emailed to me by somebody who hesitated to release their own cracked-out Luna Park dossier at the time Abe Saffron was still capable of silencing his accusers with cement shoes, plus Martin Sharp… aw geez… the #MeToo movement exposed Bob Ellis as a creeper and Martin Sharp got implicated as involved in that mess too. Maybe I shouldn’t have based my entire naive conception of who he was as a person on those five minutes where I shook his hand at his Museum of Sydney retrospective art gallery opening, I’m sorry I didn’t research that before I was getting angry on his behalf in the Big Mouth review I did where I praised OZ Magazine as this groundbreaking moment for Australian artistic freedom we should be celebrating as our heritage instead of me condemning its parade of now obvious Woody Allen-tier red flags. I appreciate how Martin Sharp pretty much saved Luna Park from bulldozers with a combination of grassroots activism and religious zealotry nobody else could’ve pulled off, but whenever I’m browsing the vinyl section at JB Hi-Fi and Cream’s Disraeli Gears rears its head, I can’t help feeling betrayed by a chief forefather of the psychedelic movement who defined the visual aesthetic we as Australians associate with our localised sixties counter-culture Charles Manson wasn’t able to ruin for us. YET I CANNOT GIVE UP ON LUNA PARK. I’ll delve into that with the Halloween article, for now let’s regroup and focus on Spectacularly Average, I inferred in the past that agreeing to star in my brother’s Let’s Play channel videos was me selling out my principles to YouTube so I could spend quality time with my sibling during the brief windows his schedule at work allows him to be available… but the more I think about the heaviness of certain big projects where I have to write about endangered animals/children dying at defunct Australian theme parks… the more I believe my YouTube collaboration with Spectacularly Average is necessary and healthy for my general wellbeing. I started Pagemaster General to bring back some of the magic and enchantment of the old fun internet where if you scrolled over an icon of old horror monsters you’d hear a clip of Grandpa Simpson saying “THAT DOLL IS EVIL I TELL YA! EEEEEEVIILLLL!”. Not a lot of ride-or-die readers know this, but part of why I changed my old website domain from Everybody’s Dracula to Pagemaster General wasn’t just a RUN-DMC song I liked and a Cathedral music video I dug… it was done to distinguish my personal brand from Dinosaur Dracula whose unique blend of nostalgic ephemera is way less intense than mine has been lately and you should all go follow him instead until I can figure out how I could entertain people without making them worried about whether I’m okay. I saw Ralph Breaks The Internet yesterday, I was terrified this sequel movie was gonna destroy me like the last one, Jesus Christ – if Sgt. Calhoun’s subplot didn’t explain to me what would happen to my brain watching that Kart-Broken sequence I dunno how I’d have coped with Vanellope’s lamentations of the women. I got a little emotional over Ralph Breaks The Internet, but I’ve felt so relieved it didn’t trigger my PTSD I didn’t know I had, you don’t understand how much it meant to me to see some of my favourite characters are still together and happy for once in their established canon. Also Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse was a legit masterpiece and I’m glad I could finish my horrendous year on somewhat of a cheery note. I’ll release those big ambitious projects as I promised when I’m self-cared/well enough to do so, I’m taking this short holiday with my family at the seaside cottage AirBnB my mother booked and I’ll splash in the ocean during this record heat wave which is fogging up my glasses too much to write anything serious. I wanted to post something enjoyable and fun here in 2019, I dunno what that’s going to be yet but I’ll have plenty of down time to decide in Newcastle. I’m turning twenty-nine in four days, happy birthday to me, I’ll post my Spectacularly Average Let’s Plays I’m starring in here more often. Pagemaster General wishes you all a Merry Christmas and as your self-initiated Taoist wizard, I’ll hope your Chinese New Year of the Pig 2019 is a prosperous road ahead.


I’m putting a picture of red envelopes here as a symbolic gesture of no-strings-attached good fortune, unlike “retweet this or your 2019 will be the worst” chain threads on Twitter that prey on our insecure anxieties.